Thursday, September 5, 2013

Baby is Older

There he is. All big and grown up, but still little. 

August is 2 today. 

He has few words and lots of actions. Running and jumping and scaring me out of my mind. Each day is a success when I keep him alive. 

Then at night, he snuggles and needs me and won't let me go. 

So different than the older two and perfect in his own way. 

Happy Birthday August Nathaniel, our magnificent gift of God. 

I love who you are.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Each Day

At 6:38 this morning, I told Ryan that I think there is something wrong with my mind. I can't handle all  the needs, the wants.

Just minutes before, I had gone into my bedroom sobbing. All because there were too many questions from so many little people.

And I questioned myself.

Standing there in our tiny kitchen, he wrapped me in his arms. I was in a cocoon. But I could still hear and they would not quiet, and so he asked for five minutes of no questions.

Why? They asked. 

And we took five minutes. Just the man and me. And it was beautiful. It changed my day. 

I got the tire fixed and did some organizing. Mid morning, we did art and later we went to Target to pick out ice cream and the babes who are really no longer babes scooped their own flavors all melty into sugar cones. 

Even now, while my husband is still working, going on 13 hours today, I am better. 

And it occurs that maybe instead of wishing for the end of the day, if I just start the day off right, I'll enjoy the whole journey. 

Wednesday, August 21, 2013


There he is. All big and grown up. And I can hardly believe my eyes.

Even now as I type this tears are making their way to my lap. A hot mess through my makeup.

My 15 oz. 22 weeker is in kindergarten. 

Three days down and so many more to go. It feels unnatural to not know what he's doing for six hours. You all know, right? It's so hard to let go. 

We sit at the table together after school. Sipping hot cocoa with marshmallows floating in ninety degree Nevada.

He said that today he didn't play on the jungle gym because he has cerebral palsy and he couldn't do it. So he pretended he was a spy under the jungle gym. And it was really fun.

He also told me there is a boy in his class that doesn't know how to talk very well, and it was a little bit sad.  And then he said that he was going to be kind to him and be his friend. 

Under the jungle gym is a pretty great place to be.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Wild Wild West

In a few short days, our sweet little family of five will pull out of our driveway embarking on a new adventure.

Through corn fields and deserts and mountains and beauty, we will travel from a small town in Wisconsin to the city of Reno, Nevada.

And make our home.

Hopefully more blogging days ahead as my mother will need to see photos. She's going to miss her grandbabies.

Psssst...we will be living very close to Lake Tahoe. I'm excited.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mothers, Love and Other Things

When I was seven, I prayed for 10 babies. I really prayed. From my heart.

I've already had 8.

It feels strange to think about. We are done having biological babies. My body is tired. Already at 30, I'm weary, still trying to recover. But my heart. Oh, my heart is not tired. It is big and has room to for more. 

As a family, we feel called to adoption. We talk about it with our children. Ivy said she wants a girl. Sylas, a boy. Then they said maybe we should adopt both.

That would be 10. 

I don't know the when or the how, but one thing I do know....there is room.

This mama heart can love.

It is overflowing with love. Love for our babies here and in Heaven and for those we don't yet know by name.

So, to all of you mothers. Those with babes home, or babes grown, or babes with Jesus or babes not quite known, Happy Mother's Day. 

You are so very lovely.

Friday, March 29, 2013

And then.

Holy week. 

The week of the triumphant entry, the breaking of bread,  the betrayal, the death, the silence.

And then. 

The hope

The hope of all things being made new. 

I weep as I type the words. 

All things

I am filled to the brim and overflowing with hope.

P.S. If you'd like a chance to win a really cool Bible for your elementary aged son, or grandson or nephew, check out my awesome husband's blog here

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Leash Parents

I owe you an apology.

Yes, you with the child on a leash.

I'm sorry I have judged you harshly. I did so in ignorance, and I'm ashamed.

Do you see this guy? Isn't he adorable?

He runs. Fast.

His silent, stealthy feet carry his tiny self away before I can blink.

I'm afraid I might lose him. He's hard to find in a crowd. 

So, you. You with the child on a leash.  Teach me your ways.

I want to be one of you. 

Where can I find a contraption to keep August tethered to my side? Preferably one that doesn't make him look like my puppy.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Muscles and George

He's very brave.

Every six months holding tightly to the hand of his friend and his mama waiting for his injections.

He knows what his injections are perhaps better than a five year old boy should know. 

But he asks and we tell him. 

We do our best to share honestly and openly all intertwined and surrounded with heaps and heaps of love.

He has the right to know. 

To know who he is and be confident in it.

The injections loosen his muscles and help him to walk. 

On his own. 

No wheelchair, no walker, no crutches.


Oh, yeah baby.

Monday, January 14, 2013

The Three

Up at 5:15 today. That's a.m!

I am trying to implement a new schedule. 

For me. For my children. 

Three has thrown me for a loop and I need to get my feet under me. 

Here's to today.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

To My Four Year Old Girl

Ivy Pearl, you are four today.

I can't believe it! Four years old!!! Oh, how you've grown.

You are a dreamer. And a rule follower.

It's a fascinating combination.

You love dancing and fairies and cupcakes. You are also sure to never have too much screen time, or eat too much sugar, or go anywhere near an electrical outlet.

You are my sidekick. The best little sister and the sweetest big sister.

When you grow up, you want to be a pharmacist.

And a mermaid.

I pray for you, darling girl. And when I pray for you, I also pray for me. That I might be more sure of who I am, so in turn you will see it, and know who you are...a beautiful daughter of God. 

This world can be scary, but oh, Sweetness, there is so much beauty around you. Find it!

Happiest Birthday, Pearlie. You are so very loved.