Wednesday, February 29, 2012

White Flag

My text read, I need help.

That's it. 

Cryptic, right? My poor husband. But it was all I could get out. 

Everything feels big. Too big for me. And I'm being crushed by it's weight, unsure of who I am.

I'm in survival mode and have been for some time. I'm trying to come out of it...to pull myself up. 

But I can't.

I need help. It's scary and it's lonely.

But my white flag is waving.



21 comments:

  1. All I know is that you're gonna be OK. You feel scared and weak and lonely, but you have God and so many people who love you - when you're down in a hole, the most important thing is to reach up for help, and you're doing that. You don't have to pull yourself up - all you have to do is reach out and God and everyone who cares about you will take care of you and will take care of the rest. Praying for you!

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  2. Every mom has felt what you're feeling and you will come out of this changed. I pray that through it the Lord carries you. Rest in his arms and breathe deep. i love you and I'm here. you are not alone. I'll be praying.

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  3. I have SO been there! Trust in God and in yourself...remember that if God brought you to it, he will bring you through it! You'll be in our prayers!

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  4. HE will come to your rescue. hang in there. you are doing amazing. you really are.

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  5. Praying for you! I know that weight. It is SO SO hard. Please don't feel shame asking for help and even seeking out a doctor and counselor for some help, too. I know we don't know one another, but I am sending you a ((Hug)) right now.

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  6. Brianna, We are saying a prayer for you now (and will continue). I am so impressed with this blog & look forward to reading it when I get the chance- seeing your beautiful children is a thrill but your HONESTY about how you feel is what I keep coming back for. Thank you thank you for feeling so deeply and for writing about it! You are doing such important work, not just as a mom and wife, but as a LIGHT in the darkness... Though you may feel dark yourself just now please know that it is your willingness to FEEL and WRITE that makes others take note and gather courage to do the same. In a day when pills, drinks, movies, drugs, sex, food, money, clothes, Internet, etc etc etc serve as distraction from pain- it is HUGE to have an example of someone willing to walk THROUGH it rather than numb it! Blessed are those who mourn, for they WILL be comforted!!!! They (you) will be comforted because you choose to mourn - (it does not say blessed are those who numb/distract).

    Healing is slow, good healing that is. And often it gets harder just before it gets better. KNOW that your Lord is refining you with great and beautiful purpose! He is taken back by your beauty each time you mirror His Son (who was a man of sorrows).

    With great love and faith in your process of wholeness in Jesus,

    Heidi Pelligra :)

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  7. I'm where you are right now, too. As I was driving home from a terribly vulnerable and emotional counseling session, this song came on the radio. It's my mantra now. I'm sending you love, from one mom to another. It's always darkest before the dawn.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQd9S7jQNi4

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  8. I am honored to lift you up in prayer... Thanks for being transparent and allowing me to pray for you!!

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  9. Be strong sweet girl. Step by step he will lead you. Longtime reader who enjoys you and your family. Thanks for all you do to share your story. I feel like i have been there too, being led until I found my way...

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  10. Strangely similar to my last few posts. I soo get it.

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  11. A big wave and hello all the way from Ohio here! I have been following your site for quite some time, I enjoy all of your posts, and love love love all of your pictures. I'm sorry that you are feeling down, but know you have people who don't even know you that are inspired by you, and care. Lifting you up in prayer...

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  12. I know. I said it in an email to my husband. He came home. It's hard, so hard, feeling this way. I just wanted you to know I totally get it.

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  13. It is so hard living with depression!!You've been thru so much loss I don't know how you do it! Even with the blessings your 3 other children bring, I can see how you could get so low. You won't always feel this way, it will get better. So many people you don't even know love you and your family. Many prayers are lifted up for you during this rough time. I hope that knowing this gives you some sense of comfort.
    Teryl

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  14. I pray things will start looking up for you. If you need anything please don't hesitate to ask. You helped me during some of my darkest moments and I will always be thankful for that.

    Misty

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  15. The hardest thing I did was admitting I needed help with depression, but without question it is turning out to be the best thing I've ever done.

    Praying for you.

    Liz

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  16. Oh Brianna, I am sending you big hugs and lots of love and prayers.
    Glad to continue to be a part of your journey, and hope to be able to carry a part of this burden for you.
    You are not alone in this!

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  17. Thinking of you. Hoping this weekend has been better!

    Steph

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  18. Hi Bri - Sending you prayers of God's love. I just started reading the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I have a feeling you would appreciate her spiritual journey and discovery.

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  19. Wanted to send some love and prayers your way from NC. I've been following your blog for quite some time now, and I've always wanted to say hi, but I've never quite had the words. Of course, I still don't have the words, but you are definitely not alone in this.

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  20. Heidi,

    I love you. Please don't shut me out of your life. I need your forgiveness, I need your love. Can we please talk? How can we be healed without reconciliation, caring for one another?
    My heart is broken, but I love you and Judah unconditionally. Sorry to reach out to you like this but I don't have any other way to contact you.

    Jeannine

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  21. Let's talk. Healing can come as we trust enough to open our hearts to one another. I don't know how to reach you, but I am reaching out.
    Love you.
    Jeannine

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Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I love hearing from you.

P.S. I'm sorry for the word verification step, but oh, my. I'm getting lots of spam.