Sunday, September 23, 2012

Will You Help Me?

For the first time EVER, I entered Ivy's photo in a photo contest. 

Little Skye Boutique is hosting the contest, and Jessica and her team are incredible. The photo with the most votes wins a $500 gift card to their fabulous boutique! I am loving being a part of the competition and if we win, I might faint from the shock. 



Ivy's photo is in the lead, but others are closing in. If you are on Facebook, would you be willing to "like" Little Skye's page and vote for my girl? Voting ends tonight!

Click here to vote! 

P.S. I know SO many of you have already voted. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Sometimes

Sometimes we stay too long at the park, so we eat chips and taco dip for dinner and call it good.



Sometimes we stay up late reading just one more book, and we're tired the next day, and maybe slightly grumpy, so we take naps.



And sometimes we squeeze each other really tight, that it hurts a little, but mostly it feels so, so good.



Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Birthdays

It was a quiet affair. Family. Close friends. 

A sweet boy turned 1 and his mama entered a new decade. 

Happy Birthday to us!




















Monday, August 27, 2012

Here I Am

I awoke to the last week of my twenties. And as I went about routine, I wondered, is every decade this life changing?

In ten years, I've lived abroad, finished college and married my forever love. 

I've been pregnant three times,  birthed eight babies, and said good-bye to five. 

I have loved deeply and mourned deeply. 

I have experienced grace. Oh, sweet grace, to face tragedy and still live. 

As I showered with my summer shampoo....the one that smells of coconut and sunshine, a cool autumn breeze flowed through the window and I felt it. 

Transition. A change. 

Something new.

My baby, perhaps our last, turns one year old next week. Yes, change.

We decided, just last week, that it would be better for Sylas to be schooled in our home than in a classroom. 

At least for this year.

Excitement fills me, but long skinny tendrils of apprehension try to choke it out. Do I know how to do this?

Do any of us know how to do this? But, oh, yes. 

Grace. 

That sweet grace. There is help along the way.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Happy

My little sis [who is living with us for the summer] brought home daisies yesterday. They are happy. 

And I am too, mostly.

Life has thrown a lot of punches, but we aren't knocked down so hard that we can't get up. 

This morning I took a walk and the sight of doughy baby knees in the stroller made me smile.



Thank you for all of your advice, encouragement and love as I've been dealing with health issues. My gallbladder looks good and nothing seems too serious that I can't be mended.

The main problem is my iron. It's in the pits. So much so, that I probably should have a transfusion, but the the doc is giving me a bit of time to get it up myself. Daily doses of floradix and already I am feeling much better.

My day will be happy. I hope yours is too.


Friday, March 30, 2012

Will We Fly?

From the backseat, he asks these profound questions like, Why can't we hear God's voice?, and How will we get to Heaven...will we fly?.



I think things through and sometimes my answers seem right. Spoken in a way he can understand. And other times, I wonder if he gets it. That maybe some of this stuff is too complicated for his four year old mind.

These conversations  often turn to his brothers and sisters. He knows each of them by name and can't wait to get to Heaven to play with them.




Daddy, do you think Heaven has toys?

Daddy answers, I'm sure Heaven has the coolest toys.

Oh. Oh, yeah. But they are only for boys. Boy toys.

I ask what his sisters are doing.

He pauses, then replies. They're just dancing around.

Dancing around with Jesus.


My heart stills then beats widly with sorrow and joy.

Oh, yes. His young mind understands.

Oft times, better than my old one.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Postpartum Nausea

I don't talk a lot about my nausea during pregnancy. In general, I'm a private person, so most of you probably don't know that I was sick the entire pregnancy with August. I mean like I threw up the day before he was born. As tough as it was, I always kept in my mind the thought, "It has to end sometime. This baby will eventually be born."

And he was and he's beautiful and wonderful. 

But I'm still sick. 

I had no idea that the nausea could keep going. It hasn't been nearly intense as during pregnancy. For months it's been coming and going, fifteen minutes here, an hour there. I would only throw up once or twice a week.

Until about two weeks ago. Then it started getting much, much worse. Some days it's debilitating, and I often can't function, or I'm barely functioning. I have no patience, I snap at the kids, I'm tired and just plain crabby.

Before you say, "WOMEN, get thee to a drugstore and buy a pregnancy test," don't worry. Been there, done that. Too many times.

It was getting really expensive, so I bought a pack of twenty-five on amazon.

 Ahem. 

Along with being very private, I'm also a bit neurotic.

So here I am. Feeling sick at this very moment. Discouraged. A little bit scared, wondering has anyone else ever experienced this? When will it end? Will this be my life? 

Thursday I'll have blood work done in hopes of gaining answers, and some relief.

I'm ready for this to be done.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Light[er]

The Light shines in the darkness.

And the darkness cannot overcome it.

I'm so overwhelmed at the outpouring of love I've received in response to my last post. The prayers, phone calls, emails, texts and cupcakes have been water to my soul. 

Oh, the power of bringing things to the light. There is so much freedom in the light, in surrender.

I'm still struggling, but my emotions no longer feels too big. The voices screaming in my head have quieted.

And I hear whispers of hope.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

White Flag

My text read, I need help.

That's it. 

Cryptic, right? My poor husband. But it was all I could get out. 

Everything feels big. Too big for me. And I'm being crushed by it's weight, unsure of who I am.

I'm in survival mode and have been for some time. I'm trying to come out of it...to pull myself up. 

But I can't.

I need help. It's scary and it's lonely.

But my white flag is waving.



Friday, February 17, 2012

R S Valentine

We have had sick babies in our house for almost two weeks. And on Monday, our sweet little August was diagnosed with RSV




When Sylas was little, we were scared to death of him getting RSV, so when I heard the doctor say the test was positive, I immediately thought hospital.

But no. Not August. Our tough little eating machine has held his own, and we have been able to avoid the hospital and treat him at home. Every day he is improving and yesterday was the first day he didn't need a breathing treatment in almost a week. 




Just in time. On Sunday we will be dedicating August at our church and we will spend the weekend celebrating his life. The Morrisons are coming in from Minneapolis and we'll have a big dinner with both sides of the family. 

Life has been crazy, but someday I really do need to tell you more about the baby of our family. He is the sweetest, jolliest little fella, and I'm so happy he's well.





Thursday, February 9, 2012

Freeze Please

Yesterday, Ryan came home and said, I want to freeze time and go away with you for awhile.

Yes, Love. Me too. 

We don't want to hurry our kids along towards independence. We want to enjoy them in all of their neediness and enjoy each other. 

It's difficult to do both. Do you ever feel this? 

I was looking through my photo albums and found this photo Ryan took of me. It was my birthday, two days before August made his rapid arrival. And now our sweet babe is five months old.

Time. Please freeze.




Thursday, January 26, 2012

Princess Style

How is it that she's older?

She turned 3 and started a massive growth spurt....like she finally grew out of her 18-24 month jeans. 



She had her first friend birthday party. 



We continued our cupcake tradition and after each one [the frosting] was devoured we heard the sound of sugar. Squeely, giggly sugar. And then we sent it all home.




Happiest 3rd Birthday, my sweet. 



Also, wow I need to change the pictures on my sidebar.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Some Words Tumbling Out

I'm frustrated as they call me. Mommy, mommy MOMMY! A little peace please. I perform my tasks in a hurry hoping to get on to bigger and better things. As if to say this. HERE. What I'm doing, isn't a dream come true.


There I am cleaning up vomit for the one hundred millionth time, and unspeakable joy fills my soul. It hits me. 

This is not a part, but the whole. 


This is it. And I'm renewed with wonder at the task I've been given. In time, these tiny people will not be so de-pendent. They will rush and forget to call and someday leave. There will be less demand.  And I will long for it.


For now, I package up my [other] dreams ready to be opened in their own beautiful time. They will wait. My littles will not.

So when the baby wakes for the 5th time, teeth trying to push through, I open my arms and pull him close and nourish and comfort and be. 

This is who I am.

I am mother.


Linking up with the lovely Heather, just write.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Three


Happiest third birthday, Ivy Pearl.
You are so very loved.


[More party pictures to come].