Tuesday, September 20, 2011


Right before I got pregnant with August, I made an appointment to see a counselor. I was in a dark place and I was struggling. By the time my appointment came, I was deep in the throes of nausea so it was cancelled. 

And now, that place seems distant. In the darkness of that place, lying on my bed in agony, I was given the grace to take more steps toward healing. 

My heart still aches. It always will. But it's less like a searing knife and more like a remembering

I call August, Bubba. Ivy and Sylas think it's the funniest thing. Especially Ivy. She says, "Not Bubba.

Then yesterday, I heard her talking to him and it made me smile when her sweet voice said, "Hi Bubba."

Last night, August was up for more than 3 hours straight. He hasn't been awake for more than an hour at a time since his birth, so this was new. 

And tiring. 

As I sat rocking him in the chair, I wondered if that last 15 minutes before bed while he was sleeping peacefully, I should have been doing the same instead of staring in wonder at his beautiful face. 


Friday, September 9, 2011

The Story

It's quiet here. Sylas is at school. Ivy and daddy are swimming at the YMCA. 

And me? I'm sitting in a chair with my baby snuggled into the moby wrap. I'm in awe of his soft skin and sweet baby breaths and delicious scent. We were discharged together. This is a first and quite frankly, a dream come true. 

Now for the story.

I woke up Monday (Labor Day, how fitting, right?) at 6:45 a.m. with my first strong contraction. Thinking to myself, hmmm....this might be it, I started timing. I timed for 30 minutes and the contractions were 5 minutes apart. By this time, both Sylas and Ivy were in our bed and I said to Ryan, "This might be it. Maybe we should get ready?"

My parents were out of town for the weekend, so I called my sister and warned her that we might need her a bit later in the day. Ryan proceeded to get the kids breakfast then jump in the shower. I dressed, made the bed, finished packing my bag and started the dishes. It was now 7:45 a.m., contractions were two minutes apart and becoming unbearable. I thought to myself, "Maybe we should get going."

You think?

I called my sister again and told her to come right away. The only problem is that it was a 30 minute drive for her and then a 30 minute drive to the hospital. At 8 a.m., not able to wait any longer, Ryan called some friends from church who lived nearby. It is incredible how fast this awesome dad and 3 kids were at our house. Their baby was even asleep when Ryan called and still they were at the house within 5 minutes. 

The drive to the hospital was excruciating. All the while I was praying I wouldn't have this baby on the highway and also gouging the center console of our Honda Pilot to death. I'm still digging vinyl out of my fingernails. Sorry Love.

We arrived at the hospital at 8:40 a.m., they checked dilation at 9 a.m.....I was at a six. By 9:30, I said, " I REALLY NEED TO PUSH!" Checked again, dilated to a 10. And at 9:54 a.m., screaming his sweet little head off,  August Nathaniel entered the world. 

He was posterior, or as one nurse said, sunny side up, which apparently slowed down my labor. Pushing him out that way sans drugs was one of the most difficult experiences of my life, but if he would've been facing down, my midwife was sure he would've been born in the car.

Sylas and Ivy are completely smitten and taking their role as big brother and sister quite seriously. 

Thank you for your well wishes on the last post. Your words of encouragement and love mean more than you know. I hope you all have a lovely weekend. 

I know we will.

Monday, September 5, 2011

He's Here!

This is The Daddy (aka Ryan). Our family would love to introduce you to August Nathaniel Morrison. He came to us this morning at 9:54am at 35 weeks and 6 days. He is 6 lbs 8oz, 19 1/2" and doing great. Brianna is doing very well too. More pictures to follow, but in the meantime...

Friday, September 2, 2011

He Started

Today was his first day. 

His excitement was contagious. Last night he awoke at 9:30 p.m. and told Ryan, "I'm ready. I'm ready to get on the bus and go to school."

And he was...he is ready, but wasn't this just yesterday?

He'll go 5 days a week for 3 hours a day. It will be good. It will be good. It will be good is my mantra. 

I want to protect him. I don't ever want kids to make fun of him. I want him to know how incredible he is.

It's hard for this mama heart to let go, but it will be good. It will be good. It will be good.

Shirt of choice - Patriots Jersey in Packerland. Brave kid.