Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Up

Right before I got pregnant with August, I made an appointment to see a counselor. I was in a dark place and I was struggling. By the time my appointment came, I was deep in the throes of nausea so it was cancelled. 

And now, that place seems distant. In the darkness of that place, lying on my bed in agony, I was given the grace to take more steps toward healing. 

My heart still aches. It always will. But it's less like a searing knife and more like a remembering



I call August, Bubba. Ivy and Sylas think it's the funniest thing. Especially Ivy. She says, "Not Bubba.

Then yesterday, I heard her talking to him and it made me smile when her sweet voice said, "Hi Bubba."




Last night, August was up for more than 3 hours straight. He hasn't been awake for more than an hour at a time since his birth, so this was new. 

And tiring. 

As I sat rocking him in the chair, I wondered if that last 15 minutes before bed while he was sleeping peacefully, I should have been doing the same instead of staring in wonder at his beautiful face. 

Nah.

5 comments:

  1. Love. And I am so glad He helped you to find His grace in the darkness. A Good Shepherd...

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  2. You have the sweetest family -- mom and dad included. Your blog always makes me smile. Thanks!

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  3. Oh Brianna...I just love how you weave your words on a page so beautifully. I can't even imagine the pain of what you've been through, but the way you trust in Him unceasingly amazes me. Keep on looking UP, friend! And what a sweet, sweet blessing in your newest family addition - congratulations again!

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Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I love hearing from you.

P.S. I'm sorry for the word verification step, but oh, my. I'm getting lots of spam.