Tuesday, June 28, 2011


Isn't the internet strange?

People who live so far apart, yet lives intertwined, getting to know one another.

Last Thursday, I put Ivy in the car and along with our friend/babysitter, we drove to Fort Wayne, Indiana, for the Matilda Jane Art Fair. I had an online friend who won a pre-shopping pass and she invited me to attend with her. 

It's scary, this meeting each other in person. Will they be as nice as they seem? Will they like me? Will it be awkward?

But all the fear of the meet-up is usually a waste of time. I have made so many wonderful friends on the internet and my life is richer for it.

Shannan (my shopping partner) is now my in real life friend and getting to know her was such a privilege. Her family has been through more than most and she is still so full of joy and kindness. 

On our way home, we met up with our friends, Steph, Gray and Ivy, from Adventures in Babywearing. 

My Ivy copied everything Steph's Ivy did. Adorable!

photo credit: Steph

To all of my friends, online and in real life...you make my life better.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Four Years - Cadence

Cadence Alana - "Beautiful rhythm." 

Sixth born. The smallest. 

Dancer in the womb.

Four years without you is too long. One day, you and I will dance before the throne of grace.


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Chocolate Craving Satisfied

Remember yesterday?

We only had peanut butter M&M's in the house and that wasn't doing it for me. 

I wanted cake. I am so pregnant.

Thankfully we did have these.

So I made this.

Not exactly decadent, but chocolate-y enough to satisfy. 

Chocolate Cake in a Mug

2 tbsp. flour
1 1/2 tbsp. sugar
1 tbsp. of good cocoa powder (or sipping chocolate from TJ's if that's all you have)
1/2 tsp. baking powder
pinch of salt
2 tbsp. milk
1 tbsp. oil
1/4 tsp. vanilla
1 tbsp. chocolate chips 

Stir all ingredients in a small mixing bowl, then pour into a mug. Batter will double in size so be sure the mug is big enough. 

Heat in the microwave for 45-60 seconds. [50 was perfect for mine]

Top with ice cream, or whipped cream or whatever your heart desires. I've been a raspberry fiend this pregnancy, and it was perfection.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Anybody Want to Stop By?

It's one of those days.

She has a runny nose. He's the king of hissy fits.

I think I need some chocolate.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

For Their Father

Broad shoulders lean against the wall. Narrow shoulders do the same.

Large hands shoved into pockets. Little hands try and push and shove while keeping balance. 

Big voice tells a joke. Small voice repeats. 


So many jobs rolled into one. 

Provider, protector, hero, supporter.


Thank you, Ryan, for fathering our children so well. 

Thursday, June 16, 2011

A Beautifully Accessorized Small Style

Joy. Pure, unabashed joy.

Coming not from circumstances, but from something [Someone] far greater.

He makes us lie down in green pastures. He is the great Restorer of our souls. [Psalm 23]

And with that promise, we live.

Linking up with fabulous Mama Loves Papa's Small Style.

On Ivy...

~ Dress - found at Matilda Jane Clothing
~ Amber Necklace - found at Inspired by Finn
~ Joy - found...wherever you are

*A heartfelt thank you to all who have been praying for our family this week. We can feel it.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Four Years - Lincoln

Lincoln Sean. Our 4th born. Sometimes I feel as though I haven't grieved you enough. Maybe because you were the 3rd to die and 3 boys in 3 days was too much. The numbness had set it.

Please my sweet son, know that you are always missed and deeply loved.

Until we meet again...

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


His four year old mind moves faster than the wind. Questions whipping about my frame, it's hard to take a breath. 

Why and why and why. Oft times before I can answer, the next question is there begging to be answered. 

And I wonder if that's how my conversations are with God.

Five o'clock. Ryan stepped through the door. 

I said, "I'm going out to get the mail. I need ten minutes." 

A slow walk to the box, the wind passing through my flowy skirt. An even slower walk back. I get to the door, but I'm not ready.

I lower my swollen body to the grass and face the sun. I still the questions swirling about my mind and reflect on the Son.

And I breathe [peace].

And I breathe [grace].

And I breathe [rest].

No lightning bolts or sudden revelations.

But it's enough. It is more than enough.

Four Years - Tryg

Tryg Brenton. Strong boy. Little fighter.

I remember looking at your tiny body wearing your hat and booties and a diaper no bigger than the palm of my hand and longing for you to live...to grow.

I miss you. And I will see you again.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Four Years - Bennet

Bennet Boy. You are never far from our thoughts. I can still feel your sweet tiny body curved against mine on your last day of life.

You are missed. Always.

We are looking forward in hope.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Happy Birthday Sylas

He's 4!!!!

We celebrated. Big time.

He loves being 4.

But I feel a bit weepy.

Is that normal?

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Sometimes I Break the Rules

Normally I'm a rule follower. 

Not because I necessarily love rules, but because I hate to get in trouble. 

Or make anyone unhappy.

Last weekend my parents kept the kids so Ryan and I could celebrate our anniversary. Two whole days and nights kid free at home. It was glorious.

One of the nights we went out for dinner, and I must have been feeling very brave.

This is not my Vespa.

Just looking at this photo makes me feel guilty.