Sunday, June 13, 2010

Until I See You

Three years ago, today, sweet Bennet. I held you for the first time and the last time [on this earth].

And though today was spent cuddling and loving and doctoring your two under the weather siblings, there was still so much capacity in my heart for loving you. For missing you.

In some strange, totally makes sense way, I wish you were sharing in their summer cold. I want to wipe your nose and give you nebulizer treatments and snuggle your feverish body on the couch. I am, and will always be your mom, but I miss being your mom. I miss you.

I love you, my first born boy. And I will always miss you....

Until I see you.



  1. thinking of you...i know these next few weeks will be hard for you. i can still remember that white board in the nicu with the names on them...i didn't like looking at that thing every day, it just broke my heart for you guys!

  2. I am so very sad you cannot snuggle his body. Thinking of you.


  3. My heart is breaking for you today. Knowing that you have to think of the last time you held little Bennet and that you still have difficult anniversaries to coming. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  4. I know this time of year is full of mixed emotions. Just know you are not alone. We celebrate their birth with you and we cry over the loss with you. Our thoughts are with you today and over the coming days as you reflect on each of those babies and their short, but sweet lives.

    Love from Dallas...


  5. Sending you hugs for today, and the days to come!

  6. i just stumbled upon your blog.
    what courage you have to share you story with the world.
    you tell your experiences with such beautiful words... thank you for sharing them.

  7. I wish you could wipe his nose too.

  8. Thinking of you and praying, for you and all of your sweet babies.

  9. I'm thinking of you. And I wish I could say something profound that would make you feel whole again.

  10. We are going to have the most fun in heaven, I can't wait to see our kids dancing around together. I'm glad our firstborn sons share this day, somehow I think they knew that before we did.


Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I love hearing from you.

P.S. I'm sorry for the word verification step, but oh, my. I'm getting lots of spam.