Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Brave

It's almost Mother's Day and I'm feeling it. The ache. The longing for the children I have lost.

Sometimes I fear this grief. Thinking if I ignore the pain, the pain will go away.

But it doesn't.

"The lifelong fear of grief keeps us in a barren, isolated place and only grieving can heal grief; the passage of time will lessen the acuteness, but time alone, without the direct experience of grief, will not heal it." - Anne Lamott

So I walk. I experience. Trying to be brave just one day at a time.

16 comments:

  1. Wishing I could squeeze you in person. I don't know this kind of grief, but I know the pain of close loss. And it's a horribly hard road to walk. Praying for comfort and that He would hold you in His arms as you continue to journey on the road.

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  2. I am so proud of your for feeling and sharing your grief. I know it's not what you asked for, but God is using you as an instrument. Bless you for all that you've gone through and thank you for the way your steps speak of His mercy.

    I pray a special peace and quietness as you navigate these next several months.

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  3. *hugs* Praying that you will feel God's presence during those dark times.

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  4. Although I've never met you, I will keep you close in mind, heart, and prayers this Mother's Day.

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  5. Unfortunately I am dreading the day too, my heart always gets heavier as the day approaches. Hope you have a calm, peaceful day remembering your babies.

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  6. I think sometimes the bravest we can be is when we admit that we are not at all brave but fragile and afraid.

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  7. You carry a lot. Thank you God that you and Ryan do not carry it alone.
    I can not imagine the feelings that come with this day. Feelings of Joy over being a mother. Feeling of sadness of your lose. All at the same time. It is ok to miss them. It is ok to cry.
    Remember Jesus cried too.
    I love you and Can't wait to give you a BIG Hug.
    Celebrate Mothers day as the mother of 7.
    Don't let anyone take that away from you.

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  8. Oh, Bri...my heart is aching for you and for your loss that I can't begin to comprehend. I love you, dear friend...and my prayers are with you. He knows your heart and your pain...may you find comfort in His arms.

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  9. Sorry I have to learn to read my posts for spelling errors before I post.

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  10. Hi, Brianna. I came to visit you, and was just floored by your story. I thought I'd been through hell with what happened to my son but, well, you have been through a whole other level of Dante's inferno. My heart goes out to you for all that you have been through. And my props go out to you for being as clearly strong as you are. Your children are beautiful. I can't even begin to know how you are feeling, but I know that hugs are healing. Hug Sylas and Ivy Pearl so tight.

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  11. This will be my first Mother's Day after the death of my first child - I lost the baby to miscarriage last August. I have a hollow feeling inside my stomach and my heart feels like someone is squeezing it... I should be holding my little one right now, looking into her face, seeing her smile. It is difficult, and I can only imagine your situation is worse by tenfold. You got to see those babies breathe. You got to hold them.

    Just know that I am thinking of you. Hold the babies you do have REALLY close and enjoy your Mother's Day...

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  12. Praying many gentle prayers to you today, sweet friend.

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  13. you are in my thoughts and prayers,today, especially!

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  14. Lifting you up in prayer, especially today.

    Jodi

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Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I love hearing from you.

P.S. I'm sorry for the word verification step, but oh, my. I'm getting lots of spam.