Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Not a Pretty Post

I'm tired and crabby and life is just plain hard right now. There's so much to be done and not enough hours in the day. If I spend too much time playing and caring for my children then my house is a mess, which makes me feel like I'm going crazy, and if I spend too much time making sure my living space is clean and organized, then I feel guilty for not spending enough time with my kids. On top of all that, is the time I need to spend working with Sylas on his walking. Not one day have I felt like I've worked with him enough, which in turn makes me feel like his not walking is my fault.

I'm tired. Really tired.

Monday, September 28, 2009

We Do What We Want

Our mama has a lot to do.

But all she wants to do is hold me.

And play with me.

Do YOU think that's a problem?

Cuz we don't.

Sincerely,
Bug and Sis

Friday, September 25, 2009

Thursday, September 24, 2009

And He Wrote for Me

I awoke to an empty bed. It was cold and lonely. Ivy was stirring, so I quickly fed her and then went in search of my love. I needed him close.

There I found him sitting in a comfy chair, the soft glow of lamplight surrounding him, and he was writing. He was writing for me.

The Souls of Five
for Brianna Morrison

Of prose
She ponders the beauty of things small
Of beauty
She measures in one hand the simple
In the other, the incomprehensible

Of weakness
She wears victory like a ring of daisies on her head
Of victory
She wanders far and alone for children lost

Of courage
She carries the souls of five in her heart
She holds the others in her hand
Of fear
Fear is afraid of her

Of death
She has died since, many deaths
Truer than young men who die in war
Bloodier than by sword
Slower than by drowning

Of life
She is more alive than Spring
The song of five is on her lips
She breathes the names of the others
She lives truer than the color green, and
She has yet to come alive

She has yet to kiss the faces of five
While the others dance beside her.

by: Ryan Morrison

Sunday, September 20, 2009

So Alive

Class quote for my college graduating Class of 2004:

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -Howard Thurman

I am very much alive.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Make It a Doppio

It's been one of those mornings. Ryan has a thing at the church and the children and I are goin' it alone. Just when I think I have this taking care of 2 kids by myself thing down, they double team me. The crying has been out of control, and until a few minutes ago, I felt out of control.

But now I'm better.


Doppio Espresso over ice with a splash of cream

and a packet of raw sugar sprinkled over the top.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Lucky Dog

Today, as I was laying Bug down for his nap, I said...

Sylas, Mommy's going to let you have TWO pacifiers for your nap.

He responed with...

Two pappys! Whaaaapf? Gucky gog!
   (pacifiers)       (what)        (lucky dog)

Seriously, I have been waiting for this for a long time. When I started blogging over a year ago, I told Ryan I couldn't wait for Sylas to start talking, cuz this kid is gonna be hilarious, and I'm going to blog about it! Oh, yes. It has begun.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

It's Mine, All Mine

The other day my mom and I had a "heart to heart." We don't get to do that very often. It was nice. She told me it's hard for her to have me so close as she's constantly reminded of what happened. You know, with the babies. She sees my suffering and she wishes she could take it from me. That it had happened to her.

We connected at that point. Not just as a mother and daughter, but as one mama to another mama. Now that I'm a mom, I get it. When I think of all that Sylas has been through, it tears me apart. Oh, boy, do I get it.

But as much as my mom's love wants to take this pain from me, I'm glad it didn't happen to her. This story is mine. If it wasn't mine, then Sylas wouldn't be mine and Lucia and Cadence wouldn't be mine and Bennet, Tryg and Lincoln wouldn't be mine. I'm a jealous mama and I love my story. In all of its beautiful tragedy, I love it. It's made me who I am.

A joyful, grieving, mother of seven.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Magic

27 years old.

Today, Ryan and I spent the day in Milwaukee to celebrate the day of my birth.

Oh, my. It was wonderful.

We bought loads of groceries at Trader Joe's (I miss that place), spent over an hour in Anthropologie, my most favoritest store, and went to Starbucks. Twice. We had lots of good food and good conversation. It reminded me of being newly married when we could spend hours talking about our dreams and values. It was magical. We needed this day.

Oh, but how wonderful to come home to our snuggly babies. There are days (you know the days where nobody naps and everybody screams ALL.DAY.LONG?) when I think I want to go back to that time before kids.

But I don't. Not really.

Even now, I'm holding my girl, who's been sleeping for some time, because I'm not ready to put her in her bed. I'm listening to Sylas and Ryan over the baby monitor, have an extra long prayer, thanking God for each family member over and over, because Ryan isn't quite yet ready to put Sy guy is his bed. After a day apart, we need this time.

This. This too, is magical.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

And the Winner is...

Melissa K., you just won yourself a lovely felt flower headband from Pink and Pigtails! Congratulations! Get in touch with me and I'll get you in touch with Chandra and she'll get you started with creating a custom headband. How fun is that?