My thoughts are muddled. Maybe because it sounds like there's a swarm of bees buzzing in my head. I'm a contradiction of emotions these days. My fuse is short. I find myself snapping at the children and then immediately wondering where it came from and not liking who I am in that moment.
Sylas is transitioning to one nap. Ivy is no longer sleeping well at night. And I miss my babies. My babies who, if they lived, wouldn't be babies anymore.
One minute I feel like pulling my hair out and the next I want to scoop Sy and Ivy into my arms and never let them grow up. I'm so thankful for my life, but I'm walking through it as a broken woman.
During this time of Advent, I'm waiting expectantly. Waiting for Jesus to come. Needing the Messiah more than ever. Knowing that He is the only One who can make things right.