Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Waiting

My thoughts are muddled. Maybe because it sounds like there's a swarm of bees buzzing in my head. I'm a contradiction of emotions these days. My fuse is short. I find myself snapping at the children and then immediately wondering where it came from and not liking who I am in that moment.

Sylas is transitioning to one nap. Ivy is no longer sleeping well at night. And I miss my babies. My babies who, if they lived, wouldn't be babies anymore.

One minute I feel like pulling my hair out and the next I want to scoop Sy and Ivy into my arms and never let them grow up. I'm so thankful for my life, but I'm walking through it as a broken woman.

During this time of Advent, I'm waiting expectantly. Waiting for Jesus to come. Needing the Messiah more than ever. Knowing that He is the only One who can make things right.

7 comments:

  1. I am so moved by this, moved in a way that I don't really know what to say... yet I couldn't leave without saying something.
    I'm waiting and praying for the peace of this season to find you. For Jesus to bring the healing to your heart that is so needed, for Him to let you know that your babies are safe in His arms, until the day you can cradle them again.

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  2. Brianna I so needed this today. My emotions seem to be like yours lately and I too have found myself seeking the Lord more and waiting impatiently for His return!
    Erin's last paragraph is written so beautifully and is exactly the prayer of my heart for you!

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  3. Brianna thank you so much for sharing, you have overcome so many struggles you are an amazing woman.. and i admire you for that.. may God bless you and your family..

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  4. I'm so sorry Brianna! Praying for you today.

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  5. I am praying for you. You are a very strong woman and your faith and courage will get you through this. I am very sorry you still feel so lost - this is something I fight with every day too. I am here if you need to talk. Miss you.

    -Misty

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  6. desperately hopeful is how i think i heard steven curtis chapman describe how he feels without his daughter here. the hope coming from when he will see her again.
    as you wait expectantly, i'm going to pray right now that you find joy and peace in exactly where He has you.

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Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I love hearing from you.

P.S. I'm sorry for the word verification step, but oh, my. I'm getting lots of spam.