Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Not a Pretty Post

I'm tired and crabby and life is just plain hard right now. There's so much to be done and not enough hours in the day. If I spend too much time playing and caring for my children then my house is a mess, which makes me feel like I'm going crazy, and if I spend too much time making sure my living space is clean and organized, then I feel guilty for not spending enough time with my kids. On top of all that, is the time I need to spend working with Sylas on his walking. Not one day have I felt like I've worked with him enough, which in turn makes me feel like his not walking is my fault.

I'm tired. Really tired.

16 comments:

  1. Good for you for being honest with yourself. The Lord took me through a time of "restructure" and finding "balance" in life. Take heart and know that you are not alone...
    -Sara W.

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  2. I'll be praying for you guys. I can't come close to imaging how it is Brianna but love hearing about the fam and the honesty of where you guys are at. Love the Morrison family and say hey to your hubby for me!

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  3. Don't be so hard on yourself, you ARE a good mom! Now go get some sleep, everything looks better on a full nights sleep!! :)

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  4. I think that all mothers struggle with the same balance. Its not something that will ever be perfectly worked out, but its good to take stock of things now and then and prioritize. I can tell that you value your little ones with your whole heart.
    Like the new sidebar pics too!

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  5. Praying for you, Brianna. Being a mom is hard work - but it is the most rewarding job. With our 2nd on the way, I can only imagine how much more exhausted I will be with two...but I know each of my children is a blessing and I am so honored that God chose me to be there mom. Thanks for sharing your heart - and reminding someone like me that we are not alone in our journey to be the mom God desires us to be.

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  6. I have felt this way so many times. It is hard trying to do everything. Don't be afraid to ask people for help!!! If someone I knew was struggling and I could help in some way (fold some laundry, play with the baby for a few hours, etc...), I would have been so happy to help, and maybe a little disappointed that they never asked. Why do we moms so often feel like we have to do everything all the time? It's not logical. I bet you'd be overwhelmed by the support you would get if you let family and friends know how you felt.

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  7. I'm sorry Brianna. This is a problem every mom struggles with - where is the balance. We all find our own, and we never feel we get enough done. You are doing a great job. I'm sorry for asking about his walking on a previous post. Don't feel guilty - that is Satan's way of holding us down. Do all that you can. Make sure your children are loved, and let go of the rest. God will give you the strength to endure. Sylas looks like he is doing great. He will walk soon enough. He is healthy and happy and Ivy is getting bigger every day. Sorry you are having a rough day. Pick up the house. Give the kids lots of love, and tomorrow will look brighter. Sometimes we just need to melt so God can pick us up.

    Love,
    Shannon

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  8. I am tired and crabby, too! My house is messy but I don't feel like cleaning it. I hate that it is messy. It drives me crazy, but it is still a mess. This is my favorite season, yet I am totally unmotivated to do anything.

    If there is one thing I know - this too shall pass.

    Focus on the kids - they are the most important! The time goes so fast. My daughter just started high school and it is mind boggling how quickly the time has passed. It seems like she was just 4 or 5 not that long ago! 10 years from now, when you think back, you won't remember what the house looked like, but you will remember the special time you spent with them.

    Love from Dallas.

    Krista

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  9. Sorry that you're having a hard day. I hope you can get a little time to yourself to recharge a little.

    And don't feel guilty about working with Sylas. When he finally walks it will be because of all of the help that you've given him to accomplish that goal...and it will happen in God's timing. So try to see it that any help you give speeds him along (rather than the hlep that you don't give holds him back).

    Pray for you.
    Julie B.

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  10. As a mom of special needs children (mine have autism spectum disroders) I am familliar with the overwhelming duties of taking care of a little person who needs so much more than you can realistically give. It's tough and you have days that really suck. All I can say is that you do a tremendous job of caring for your little ones and you have shown them by actions and words that they are loved. Your little guy will walk---on his own time schedule. Take pleasure in his little accomplishments and embrace the journey. As for the messy house..that's what Merry Maids are for:)

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  11. Hear you LOUD AND CLEAR! Kyle can tell you I'm a perfectionist and really like things neat, tidy, and clean. It's hard to push those things aside and focus on your kids. After a good clean or a good time with my kids I breath a sigh of relief. Nothing puts the same smile on my face as spending that time with my kids though and I can guess you're the same. Your kids, God, and hubby won't think any less of you if your house is a mess. :)

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  12. Oh Brianna ... I feel your frustration! I LOVE a clean house .... but am having to deal with a somewhat disorderly ( in my opinion) house and I still feel like I don't spend enough time with Liam! I just think at the end of the day - I can feel guilty for a messy house or not spending time with my baby (I try to choose the first-but don't always succeed.)
    It is so fun to see you - you are in my prayers as you looked exhausted tonight:(
    And I just love your beautiful children!!!

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  13. Praying for you Bri.
    Love you ALOT!

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  14. You've bought into the myth that a woman can do it all. Perfect house, perfect mom, perfect wife. It's a MYTH. And we've all turned the phrase "it's about balance" into code for "perfection" too. Happy, content children with a well rested mother are far more important than a clean house. My guess is that your house IS clean, just a bit messy (not dirty). I don't know who wrote this, but I love this little poem

    "I hope my children will look back on today
    And see a mother who had time to play.
    There will be years for cleaning and cooking
    But children grow up while we're not looking.
    Dusting and scrubbing can wait 'till tomorrow
    For babies grow fast we learn to our sorrow.
    So quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep
    I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."

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  15. Jennifer M - ChaskaOctober 7, 2009 at 7:15 PM

    Hi Bri and Ryan,
    I appreciate the brutal honesty of this post. I'm wondering, with the untimely death of your 5 babies and now with Sy's mental and physical disabilities, do you ever feel like God is punishing you for turning to science with your infertility issues? And if so, how do you make your peace with God?

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  16. I appreciate your honesty. So often we aren't honest and people think that things are perfect. But we all have bad days and good days. Thankfully in the bad days are beautiful moments with our kids that make it all better.

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Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I love hearing from you.

P.S. I'm sorry for the word verification step, but oh, my. I'm getting lots of spam.