Wednesday, September 9, 2009

It's Mine, All Mine

The other day my mom and I had a "heart to heart." We don't get to do that very often. It was nice. She told me it's hard for her to have me so close as she's constantly reminded of what happened. You know, with the babies. She sees my suffering and she wishes she could take it from me. That it had happened to her.

We connected at that point. Not just as a mother and daughter, but as one mama to another mama. Now that I'm a mom, I get it. When I think of all that Sylas has been through, it tears me apart. Oh, boy, do I get it.

But as much as my mom's love wants to take this pain from me, I'm glad it didn't happen to her. This story is mine. If it wasn't mine, then Sylas wouldn't be mine and Lucia and Cadence wouldn't be mine and Bennet, Tryg and Lincoln wouldn't be mine. I'm a jealous mama and I love my story. In all of its beautiful tragedy, I love it. It's made me who I am.

A joyful, grieving, mother of seven.

7 comments:

  1. Brianna,
    Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. I love reading your blog and hearing what has been happening with you and your beautiful family.
    Thank you!
    Nicole

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  2. Loss has the amazing way of shaping us into the people we need to become.

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  3. You know, people have often told me "How scary that your first experience with motherhood was spent in the NICU..." after our daughter suffered seizures shortly after birth...but I know that it happened for a reason and I wouldn't change it. It has made me the mom I am today and it changed my relationship with my husband in a very good way. It also was a HUGE testimony to my unsaved family.
    I feel so blessed that you are willing to share your story too - it is such an encouragement to see how God is healing you and using you as a testimony too. I'm so thankful He is faithful and that He will never leave or forsake us. God is good...and His steadfast love endures FOREVER!

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  4. you are amazing! thanks for sharing this with us.

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  5. Brianna,
    Thank you for sharing your heart, and for showing that beauty comes from ashes. I still think of your story and wonder how you're healing.
    Keep up the great job you're doing, I'm loving "watching" your beautiful family grow!
    Bless you,
    Holly

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  6. I have had more than my fair share of heartache and tragedy. My story is completely different than yours, but it has still been a difficult journey. It, too, is my story and mine alone.

    I have looked back and thought about the "what ifs" but I soon realize that my past is what has brought me to where I am today, to the person I am today. If I had not experienced those things - I would not have the things I have in life - the values, the understandings, the sense of true appreciation.

    Imagine how boring life would be if there weren't dips along the way! A flat roller coaster isn't much fun.

    You have overcome so much and that in itself is a testimony to who you are. That is where our stories are not so different - we are both better people, women, mommas, etc. as a result of our experiences.

    Love from Dallas,

    Krista

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  7. Brianna,
    Wow - what a beautiful post. It honestly and truly spoke to my heart today. My story is mine, all mine, with the joy and the hurt, the laughter and the pain, the smiles and the tears...it's mine. I miss my Devin and Elizabeth with every part of my being...and I will always wonder why. But like you said - they are mine and I am glad.

    Hugs to you from my momma's heart!

    Julie

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Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I love hearing from you.

P.S. I'm sorry for the word verification step, but oh, my. I'm getting lots of spam.