Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I'm Okay

So, a few people have asked if I'm doing ok. Well...what mother is really ever ok after losing a child? There will always be 5 little voids in my heart that no one could ever fill and I'm ok with those voids. I don't want anyone else to fill them. They make me long for Heaven even more. In spite of probably never being ok, I'm doing well. During this season, I'm coming to a new place of peace and trust in the Lord. I'm at a place of acknowledging that the lives of the 5 we lost, counted (more on that in another post) and they were beautiful, as opposed to tragic. I'm relishing in this very healthy baby girl that continues to grow safely inside of me and I'm learning to love my husband and my son so completely that it often takes my breath away.

Hope this answers your question. I'm ok...and I'm not, and I'm ok with that.

P.S. Thank you for all of your kind words on the previous posts. They mean the world to me.

8 comments:

  1. Brianna,
    I admire you more than I can say. I admire your faith and your hope. Thanks for sharing so honestly. Sometimes it seems strange to me that I can admire you although I have never met you but God can certainly work through people whom we have never met personally. Thanks again for sharing.
    Kristen

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  2. Brianna, I have followed your story for a while now. We lost a 22-weeker two years ago, and while her death was followed by the birth of her brother (which wouldn't have been possible had she lived), it doesn't make it OK that she didn't get a chance while he did. Reconciling why one child is with me and one is not is something I will ponder all my life.

    But I do know this: Your children did matter, indeed, and your life and spirit pay beautiful tribute to them. Some of your children are in Heaven and some are here, but both play a huge role in your life.

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  3. I understand completely how you feel. Although I did not carry sextuplets and experience the loss you have; I have suffered a miscarriage. The pain never goes away. You only heal from it and continue to go on.

    I admire your strength!

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  4. I love you Brianna. Wish I could say more!

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  5. Hi, Brianna... one day I'd love to hear the stats on your five other babies. How much they weighed, how long they were, etc.

    Or anything else about 'em you want to share about your lovely ones.

    Much love...

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  6. Brianna,
    Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I know that's not an easy thing to do. I know we have never met, but I have followed your story from the beginning - first through Noemi's blog and now here. My heart went out to you as soon as I heard your story - I lost my twins, Devin and Elizabeth, at 22 weeks exactly. January 15 will mark 5 years, which I just can't believe. Time is a wonderful healer....but like you said - I am "okay." I have been blessed with 3 boys since losing Devin and Elizabeth, but there will forever be a void in my heart for my first son and daughter. Nothing will replace the piece of my heart that they hold...but there is a part of me that will always grieve for them.

    Thank you for your words. And for sharing ALL of your children. You are a wonderful mother.

    Sending prayers,
    Julie

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  7. Brianna,
    You are one honest woman who can acknowledge the death in your life and loss that will always be there - but yet recognize the resurrection and Complete healing doesn't come until heaven - I am sure your heart longs for that every day!

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  8. Brianna-
    Thank you for sharing your little ones with us. Your heart, your story, your joy and your sadness. You are so honest and so aware of what you feel and who you are, it is wonderful. I admire you and your strength. I have no idea what you are feeling as a mother, but my heart feels/hurts for you. You are a strong women and your faith is amazing. Continue to be strong and my prayers are with all of you.

    Blessings! Enjoy this holiday season. And again, thanks for sharing.

    Melissa

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Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I love hearing from you.

P.S. I'm sorry for the word verification step, but oh, my. I'm getting lots of spam.